it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
