Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
