So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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