hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
