you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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