im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
