Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
