Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
