you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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