it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
