none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
