Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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