saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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