sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
