im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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