Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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