pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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