i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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