So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
