Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
