look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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