So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
