This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
