You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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