I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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