Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
