when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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