i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
