Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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