see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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