***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize