I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
