there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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