I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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