Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Girls should come with a carfax report
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
