Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
