In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My feet surprised me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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