Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
third nipple confirmed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
