i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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