Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
