It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
