I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
