my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
