Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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