You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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