he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
