That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
