I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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