all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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