its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
