addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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