The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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