Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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