Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
