Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
