I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
