look no pants
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
