I am in a vortex of obligation.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
