erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
