I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
