Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
