dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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