I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
