he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
