Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
