i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
These tits shall not be calmed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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