I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
