im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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