Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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