Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
