I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
