I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
