the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
