You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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