So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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