It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
