do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
