where am i from again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
