Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
