please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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