Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
